Saturday, June 25, 2016
Zambia holds such a special place in my heart, but this week has been hard....really hard! Monday morning I walked into a room that was about 8 x 8 and excitedly looked at the faces of 23 grade 1 students. Little did I know in that moment how difficult the next 3 hours would be, and by the end of that time I would want to get on a plane to come home. Each morning as I woke up, I dreaded the fact that I was going to have to walk into that room. Don't get me wrong, there were precious children in that room, but the sheer chaos made me want to turn the other way. It was constant fighting: hitting, kicking, yelling, etc. I've worked with kids who are aggressive before here and at home and have been able to to see progress, but this week as each day came around, it seemed as if the chaos became increasingly more along with my frustration and discouragement. Thursday was the climax of my total disbelief of the situation. At one point there were 3 American teachers in the room and it was as if I had dropped 1 piece of meat among a pack of wolves and they were all fighting for it. As I was reflecting and praying that night, I felt like the Lord impressed on my heart that He doesn't always call us to easy and fun ( not that teaching anywhere here is easy) but sometimes He calls us to hard and difficult. I have to remember that it's not me doing it but that it is totally and fully the Lord. Those of you who know me well know that I don't like to feel out of control at all and am such a planner. This week all of that went out the window as I was completely out of control and couldn't plan from one minute to the next as to what was going to happen in that classroom. Thankfully the Lord has it all under control and He knows what each second holds, not just in that room, but in each and everyone of our lives. As much as I want to see what's coming so I can prepare, I'm thankful for a God who sees me at every moment and already has my steps planned out. Not only did God show me once again that I have to give complete control over to Him, He showed me brokenness in the eyes of these children. This area of Zambia is one of the roughest areas Family Legacy works in, and it's such a dark place. These sweet kids are trying to survive and they are starving for attention. They don't care if it's positive or negative, they just want to be seen! Sweet little John was the smallest kid in the class and all he knew was to fight. As I looked into his eyes, you could see the deep hurt and longing for love. He and I spent lots of one on one time together as he was throwing trash on me, "trying to choke me", kicking me, and hitting me. At the end of it all as hard as it was, he would melt into my arms and hold on tight. John longs to be loved, to be wanted, to be seen. Aren't we all like that? We want someone to love us and see us. Why some of us are so blessed with families that love well and others , like John, are not I don't know. What I do know is, we have a God that loves deep and wide. A God that sees us to our very core. A God that doesn't make mistakes and places us right where He wants us to draw us closer to Him. I can't "fix" Johns classroom as much as I tried this week. It's not mine to fix, but God put me there to love those kids and their teacher through the chaos and hurt. I don't know how well I did that this week, but it doesn't matter what I did, but what God has done and is continuing to do. As I'm moving into this last week here in Zambia I would love all of your prayers that I would love well this week. Also, that no matter what happens or presents itself that God would be glorified and seen through it all. I'm so grateful for each and everyone of you who prays me through this journey.